You might know your work well and still hesitate before speaking up, setting a boundary or taking on something unfamiliar. That does not make your previous achievements less real. It may mean the next situation asks something different of you.
Rather than waiting to feel completely confident, start by identifying what you want to be able to do. Building confidence becomes a more practical task when it is connected to a specific action, a realistic level of preparation and an opportunity to learn.
Define the situation, not a new personality
“I want to be more confident” can be hard to act on. “I want to explain my recommendation clearly in our next meeting” is more specific. You do not need to become the loudest person in the room. You need an approach that helps you participate in a way that fits the situation and your values.
Ask yourself: where does the hesitation show up, what do I do next and what would I prefer to do? Notice the difference between wanting to feel comfortable and wanting to act effectively. Sometimes the action can improve before the feeling catches up.
Prepare for the part you can influence
If you are preparing for a conversation, decide what you want the other person to understand. Write down your main point, the evidence that supports it and the question you need to ask. Consider a response to one or two likely challenges without trying to script every possible exchange.
Preparation can also reveal a genuine development need. You may need more knowledge, a clearer brief or practice with a particular skill. Coaching should leave room for those practical requirements rather than treating every difficulty as a mindset problem.
Make the action small enough to try
Choose a step that stretches you without creating unnecessary risk. It could be asking one question early in a meeting, requesting clearer priorities or rehearsing an important conversation with someone you trust. Decide when you will do it and what would count as completing the step.
- What do I want to say or do?
- What preparation would genuinely help?
- What is within my control?
- What would a useful first attempt look like?
Keep the goal within your influence. “Explain my recommendation and ask for feedback” is a workable goal. “Make everyone agree with me” depends on other people and is not a fair measure of your performance.
Review the evidence without putting yourself on trial
Afterwards, record what happened in plain language. What did you do? What response did you receive? What worked better than expected? What would you adjust next time? Avoid turning one awkward moment into a verdict on your ability.
Specific feedback is more useful than general reassurance. Instead of asking “Was I any good?”, try “Was my recommendation clear?” or “Where did I need to explain more?” Look for information you can use rather than a score for your worth.
Where coaching can help
A coach can help you notice assumptions, prepare a deliberate action and reflect on what you learn. The work is collaborative: it should support your judgement, not make you dependent on someone else’s approval. Progress will vary, and no responsible coaching offer can promise a particular outcome.
For more on this process, explore Pete’s coaching approach. If you are unsure which step to take, read how to make clearer decisions before choosing your first experiment.
Bring the real situation
You do not need to hide uncertainty during a chemistry call. Describe the moment you want to handle differently and what you have already tried. Book 20 minutes with Pete to see whether coaching is a useful fit for your next step.
Explore Pete’s coaching experience, including ICF PCC accreditation, Henley training and 500+ coaching hours.
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